How ‘sandwich generation’ caregivers can protect their future

A family’s first meeting about caregiving shouldn’t happen in a hospital parking lot.

Yet that’s exactly where many families find themselves having this difficult and emotionally charged conversation, said Chrisanna Elser, planificador financiero en BOK Financial®.

“That is when you shouldn’t be talking about major financial decisions,” she said, explaining that the result of these sudden meetings is that women tend to become the caregiver for an aging parent out of default, even if the women are still caring for their own children.

“Oftentimes, when something needs to be done, the daughter steps in and says, ‘All right, I’ll take care of this,’” Elser said.

This initial stepping up can lead to a longer-term unequal distribution of caregiving responsibilities. Frequently, one person ends up managing appointments, coordinating care, handling finances and responding to emergencies while other relatives remain less involved, she explained. That imbalance can lead to burnout, frustration and financial strain.

To help avoid this imbalance, Elser recommends calling a family meeting that includes siblings, other relatives and anyone else who may play a role in supporting an aging parent.

"You really need to get the point across that everybody has to step up here," she said. "This is your mom, too."

Not every family member will contribute to parent's care in the same way, she noted. One person may handle medical appointments while another helps financially or manages household tasks. However, the goal is not necessarily equal participation, but rather shared responsibility, she said.

Younger people now becoming ‘sandwich-generation’ caregivers

This situation of caring for a parent and a child at the same time-often called being part of the "sandwich generation"-is not a new phenomenon. Although the term was first coined in 1981, Elser noted that situation goes back generations earlier.

However, what’s changing now is that sandwich caregivers are having to take on these dual responsibilities at earlier and earlier ages and most say that they were unprepared for the financial, emotional and logistical demands that are involved, according to Care.com's 2026 Sandwich Generation Report. Care.com surveyed both male and female sandwich caregivers, though the situation is more common among women.

Today's sandwich-generation caregivers take on both responsibilities at an average age of 34 and spend nearly 24 hours a week coordinating or providing care, the report found. Of those surveyed, 80% said the onset to dual caregiving was sudden and caught them off-guard, and 86% said they were completely unprepared when it happened.

Over time, this dual caregiving can feel less like a choice and more like something that gradually becomes part of their daily lives, Elser said. While the responsibilities may start small, they can quickly grow into a major commitment on many levels, from money to time to physical strain. It's no surprise that 80% of the women who were surveyed reported missing out on downtime and me-time as a direct result of being sandwich caregivers.

Be aware of the cumulative financial impact

Meanwhile, one of the challenges of caregiving is that the financial impact is often difficult to see, Elser cautioned. Most people recognize a major expense when it appears. What they don't always notice are the dozens of smaller expenses that accumulate over months and years-such as lunch out with a parent, picking up groceries, paying a utility bill, missing work to attend an appointment and covering transportation costs.

Those expenses can become significant, even when they don't feel significant in the moment. As Elser said, "Most women know they're spending money helping parents. They just don't realize how much."

She calls it "financial invisibility." "It's death by a thousand tiny transactions."

In addition to direct costs, caregiving can affect earning potential. The Care.com survey found that more than half of caregivers have turned down a promotion, raise or new career opportunity because of their responsibilities.

Tracking those expenses and understanding their cumulative impact can help families make more informed decisions about caregiving responsibilities and financial priorities, Elser said.

How to avoid the biggest financial mistake

When financial pressure mounts, many caregivers automatically put themselves last. They help with groceries. They cover bills. They take unpaid time off work. They contribute toward care costs. They pause retirement savings. Elser said she sees that pattern regularly and believes it can create serious long-term consequences.

Those consequences are reflected in the Care.com survey, which found that more than three-quarters of those surveyed said they feel financially behind because of care responsibilities and 82% reported feeling financially strained.

However, it doesn’t have to be that way—and shouldn’t be that way, according to Elser. “You really need to prioritize yourself first,” she said.

That advice can feel uncomfortable for caregivers who are focused on helping others. However, from a financial planning perspective, protecting your own future is essential. Elser said she often reminds clients that the goal isn't to choose between yourself and the people you love; it's to make sure you're in a position to help when the people you love need you most.

In Elser’s words: “You have to move from that mindset of, ‘I have to save everyone,’ to, ‘I’ve got to save myself so I have the ability to save everyone.’”